Saturday, March 6, 2010

Background on the Chef

As with any fabulous fashionista, over the years I’ve gone through many changes- haircuts, spray tans, city of residence, gay husbands, gay boyfriends, straight boyfriends and of course the ever yo-yo-ing routine of going to the gym. However, the three things that have always stayed constant in my life are friends, fashion and food.

Until recently, I had been blogging about my dating life, (Confessions of a Serial Dater), however as of last week I decided blogging about the mancandy in my life and all of my melodramatic antics (regardless of how funny they may be) without his knowledge or consent would probably be a huge faux pas, kind of like Lauren Conrad designing a clothing line for Kohl’s... So after coming to the realization that I reluctantly will have to take a break from writing about men, I decided that perhaps I should write about the other love of my life: Food.

For those of you that know me, it’s no secret that I am in fact a huge foodie, cook, entertainer and hostess. For those of you that don’t know me, well I thought that perhaps we could get to know each other a little better, before I published my first review… After all, I am a lady, and I like to be wined and dined before I hop in between the sheets, you know?

In a nutshell this is my deal- I’m a commercial real estate broker by day, renegade foodie by night. Well actually, perhaps we should just say renegade foodie 24/7, because even when I am at work I am talking about food… I’m not a professional chef, but I am a self taught cook, with a great palette and a hunger to always learn more about the art of gastronomy. I live and cook in pencil skirts, four and a half inch stilettos preferably made by Christian Louboutin, and I’ve never met a woodland creature that I wouldn’t wear or eat. I hate PETA, and maintain my stance that since I wear vintage fur I am technically recycling. I think that people that advocate for world peace should drink more vodka as it cures all that ales you- thirst, sadness, cancer, world hunger. It really is like the miracle drug. I am a firm believer that men that drink white wine as a preference are usually not worth the time- After all, if you can’t handle a good, bold, spicy glass of red, chances are you can’t handle a real woman.

I am a bit of a control freak (my friends would say that it’s more like insane control freak) in the kitchen, and if you want to help me at dinner parties, for God’s sake, just stay on the opposite side of the breakfast bar, and keep my wine glass full… You can even open the door when guests arrive.

If I had my own restaurant there would be a sign out front reading “Vegetarians, Vegans & Ill Behaved Children Not Welcome”. I am undoubtedly a meatatarian… In fact, I prefer my steak still be mooing when it gets to the table. I’ve never understood the human need to cook red meats past a medium rare, as if you do, you may as well be eating cardboard. Foie gras is in my top five exports from France, alongside from Louis Vuitton, Christian Louboutin, and the actor Oliver Martinez.

One of my biggest pet peeves is the cooking shows on the Food Network with people that don’t actually know how to cook. Yes, Sandra Lee that means you. I’m sorry darling, but “Semi-Homemade” doesn’t qualify as cooking, that’s called unwrapping and warming up. Giada, Sarah Brown and Robin Miller annoy the hell out of me, and all of their food sucks anyway… Which brings me to my next and most crucial point- I DON’T TRUST SKINNY CHEFS. Because if you are that skinny and cooking for me then you probably don’t believe in what I have deemed to be the Holy Trifecta of Gastronomy: Butter, Bacon & Booze.

Do I work out? Yes, I just started to go regularly, (again), but honestly, the only reason I am going is so I can justify cooking with more butter. I’m serious! Every morning when I am in agony on the elliptical/or stairmaster, I just think to myself “Moi… just go 15 more minutes… if you do, you can make the coconut cake…” By the way, I use Ina Garten’s (a.k.a. Food Goddess of the Hamptons and friend to hot gay men everywhere) recipe and there are like five sticks of butter in there… Yeah. Hence the stairmaster…

Until recently I lived in Los Angeles, where there was never a shortage of friends, fashion or food, and luckily for moi, I was often able to engage in all three of them at the same time. Having relocated to Seattle, I now find that in order to keep my sanity I must leave this city a minimum of once a month to collect and center myself before I return to the land of muddy corduroy and Birkenstocks. So, I’ve been putting my frequent flyer miles to good use, travelling the country and indulging in the cuisine along the way. And let me tell you- There are some FABULOUS places out there!

In this blog, I’ll be sharing my experiences from my travels, and also from those of my own backyard, a.k.a. Seattle. To kick things off, over the next few weeks I’ll be travelling through and writing about Seattle, Seville, Barcelona, Chicago and New York. I’ll be cooking, eating, wining and dining and sharing my experiences and very opinionated point of view along the way. I have no idea where my culinary adventures will take me, but the one thing that I do know is that I’m always hungry for more.

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